I am stuck between moving away with my lover or staying put for my kids' sake

DEAR DEIDRE: DO I move two hours away from my kids to make my relationship work?

My partner and I have been together in a long-distance relationship for five years.


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He is 36 and I am 39. The plan was always that he would give up his job when we were ready to move in together.

But he has just been offered an amazing promotion in another city and wants me to move there with him.

The issue is I have two kids to think about.

They are 12 and 17.

My husband and I split up in 2013 and since then our sons have lived with me.

If I moved, they would have to live with their dad. There is no space in the flat my partner’s company is putting him up in.

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I’m not sure how they would feel about this.

They chose to live with me before, as their dad had a habit of losing his temper.

Am I being selfish even considering this?

DEIDRE SAYS: You have spoken about what your partner wants . . . but what do you want?

I understand why you feel the burden is on you to make this decision but this affects your whole family.

Your partner, your ex and your children should be part of the discussion. Your children are still young and their wellbeing must come first. Talk to them.

Would they like to live with their dad or would they rather move with you? Could your boyfriend’s firm contribute towards a larger home? Don’t rush your decision and make sure you listen to your children.

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