My son's girlfriend caught me kissing my husband's best friend

DEAR DEIDRE: MY son’s girlfriend saw me kissing my husband’s best friend.

He’s the man I now love but should I throw away everything to be with him?


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I’m a woman of 45 with two sons aged 21 and 18. My husband is 46.

We were childhood sweethearts but for the past five years our marriage has been loveless.

My husband’s best friend has been there for me through good times and bad and he is god- father to my sons.

We’ve been on holiday together with his family, and we’ve always supported one another. He’s been that go-to person in a crisis.

I’ve noticed I felt on a high when he was around but I pushed those feelings aside.

This year the first lockdown made me realise just how unhappy I am in my marriage.

There’s no affection and definitely no sex.

I made a pact with myself that 2021 would see me sorting my life out and moving on now the boys have grown up.

My husband’s best friend called to see him three months ago but he’d taken our car for a service.

He came in for a cup of tea and I started grumbling about my husband.

He then admitted things weren’t good between him and his wife.

He said he’d always fancied me. We ended up kissing, but then my older son’s girlfriend walked in through the back door and caught us. She’s 20.

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I asked her to not tell anyone and she agreed, but at my younger son’s 18th birthday barbecue a week later she told me she couldn’t live with the secret.

I begged her to keep quiet.

My husband, who had been drinking, picked a fight with me and we had a huge row.

I walked out and when I got back to the house, everyone started screaming at me about my so-called affair.

My son’s girlfriend had told everyone. My husband’s best friend has left his wife. I’ve moved in with my parents.

They don’t agree with what I’m doing and my sons disapprove, but I don’t want to lose this man.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your affair is very new. You’ve known him for decades and he’s been a supportive friend, but that’s very different from being a couple, dealing with day-to-day life and angry offspring, nevermind ex-partners.

Once the lust pulling you together is gone, are you going to be left wondering what you’ve done?

To be sure you’re making the right move have a cooling off period – maybe until the New Year – to take stock.

That’s a good plan with regard to the risk of Covid-19 too.

Talk to your husband about how unhappy your marriage had become. Would he want to try again?

Counselling could help – tavistockrelationships.org and relate.org.uk offer online sessions.

If you and your husband could learn to communicate more constructively it could help you in re-connecting with your sons.

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